Hey blog, how have you been? That's nice. I've been fucking great, really. I mean it. No, I won't tell you about it, piss off.

I'm registering for classes in 5 hours and 40 minutes (by the end of this writing, closer to 30) and it dawned on me that three years of college are over.

I guess the age old saying of trying to find yourself in college is almost universally true. Everyone changes when they're finally cut lose, and I'm still changing. The question I'm asking myself is no longer who I'd like to be. I figured that out finally, and it took a great expanse of time, merciless destruction, and rebuilding. You can say that your outlook on life runs cyclical, that every once and awhile you do destroy yourself and rebuild on knowledge gained. The cycles have no predetermined length or stages, other than the existence of oneself in homeostasis and the fall from grace that precipitates change. I can mark these moments not in exact dates, but I know what they are and what havoc they wrought. I won't tell you about them here, this isn't the place for that kind of emotional drudgery. Let's keep it ambiguous and topical with a touch of the serious folks.

What scares me is that even though I have figured out who I want to be, I fear that the mistakes I've made and the habits I have will keep me from being that person. It's a question of finding salvation in myself. Can I? The buildup to the end of this semester is going to be a cathartic moment in my life. The deciding factor of whether I can live up to myself is me, right? That's my assumption, I think it's the right one to have.