Nobody Reads my Blog

Nobody.

DOPPELGANGER

Dear suckas,

Capitalism isn't evil. It's an economic theory. Corporations and governments that consider them "people," that's what you want. They aren't the same thing.

So don't dare walk up to me and tell me how capitalism is evil. It's not about it working or not working, it's a lens of perception.

That's all.

(un)lost generation

I found this in a customer review for Gertude Stein's Tender Buttons.

Mimic and talk and write like some kind of Gertrude Stein. We don't know what roots are - rootless - my generation is not lost - we're staying put on the couch where we live. No one can say we're not (or are) expatriate because the shores of our big sea end at the edges of a computer screen - are virtual (and not) reality - no one travels to get there. No hurt feelings (disaffected) because we're all equal - a populist nightmare with the volume turned down. The self-leveling society. Every idea is as good as another is as good as none as all are included. Our defects become differences become diversity become democracy become diluted and die. An eye for an eye made the whole world blind or one-eyed and only some (although they don't want to be singled out) try to make something new something cyclopean (formerly one could say at least but that is pejorative) toward the future but that detracts from the past which we defend on principle only but not in actuality so as soon as we can think of it we'll change that name too but don't pressure us.

Spring and the family good luck charm

I'm having an... interesting semester. Much to learn about life and all the things that the writers of The Wonder Years would have found prime material for an episode.
Now Spring has arrived, the bugs are back, the birds are singing, the trees are sprouting. I just came across something very near and dear to my family. My first sighting of a cardinal for the year.

My grandfather and grandmother loved cardinals. My grandfather died when I was eight, and ever since them my mother told me that seeing one was a sign of him. Since then, they've become sort of a good luck charm for the family. If you see a cardinal, thinks are going to be in your favor soon.

Well, honestly, I wish it came to me awhile ago. I haven't seen a cardinal in a long time, maybe over a year. Maybe now things will work in my favor, I could use a some luck right now and after everything maybe a little good karma might come my way.

America the fucked, or, How I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb.

Today General Petraeus is being grilled in front of Congress over the war in Iraq.

And does it matter?

NO!

For fuck's sake, the man isn't going to give you a real answer. He'll dance around the goddamn question and refuse to actually say anything other than "Surge = Working, War = Continued forever."

I'm not watching it, I don't want to start grinding my teeth like the time I watched Bush invoke executive privilege for anyone called to testify over former AG Gonzales.

UPDATE: Okay, I caved. I watched it while in the Park Laptop Center. Every time someone spent a minute or two of their alloted five caressing Petraeus for his "service to the country" I made the motion of someone stroking his dick. Anyone who walked by would have been really really bewildered. Also, there was lots o that juicy "Iran is linked to violence in Iraq" bullshit.

Here's the only real good one, by the guy everyone thinks I'm crazy for liking.

Hey blog, how have you been? That's nice. I've been fucking great, really. I mean it. No, I won't tell you about it, piss off.

I'm registering for classes in 5 hours and 40 minutes (by the end of this writing, closer to 30) and it dawned on me that three years of college are over.

I guess the age old saying of trying to find yourself in college is almost universally true. Everyone changes when they're finally cut lose, and I'm still changing. The question I'm asking myself is no longer who I'd like to be. I figured that out finally, and it took a great expanse of time, merciless destruction, and rebuilding. You can say that your outlook on life runs cyclical, that every once and awhile you do destroy yourself and rebuild on knowledge gained. The cycles have no predetermined length or stages, other than the existence of oneself in homeostasis and the fall from grace that precipitates change. I can mark these moments not in exact dates, but I know what they are and what havoc they wrought. I won't tell you about them here, this isn't the place for that kind of emotional drudgery. Let's keep it ambiguous and topical with a touch of the serious folks.

What scares me is that even though I have figured out who I want to be, I fear that the mistakes I've made and the habits I have will keep me from being that person. It's a question of finding salvation in myself. Can I? The buildup to the end of this semester is going to be a cathartic moment in my life. The deciding factor of whether I can live up to myself is me, right? That's my assumption, I think it's the right one to have.